But A Vapor

This post will be one of the harder, if not THE hardest, one's I've posted to date. This one hits very close to home and is wrapped in a menagerie of emotions that I have yet to unpack. I hope that in doing so, there is some sense of connection on a human level between this writing and your own lives. I hope that in posting this it will provide a level of peace that any one of you might be searching for in your own world, especially if you're dealing with or have dealt with a similar situation.

Growing up, I was extremely fortunate. I was absolutely blessed with the childhood that my parents provided to me and my younger brother, Shane. We never went without, we weren't well-to-do by any stretch of the imagination; mom and dad always found a way to make sure we felt like we were able to do the things that we were passionate about doing.

My parents had their flaws and their issues, sure, but we grew up in these neighborhoods that were dimly lit with an orange, pulsating, glow of street light magic and wonder. The grounds ebbed and flowed, vibrantly with late nights of hide and go seek, games of tag, all night football, baseball, basketball and soccer games rang through those infamously safe residential's.

They were days spent splashing through muddy creeks chasing snakes and bull frogs the size of a hub cap. It was poison ivy and camping in backyards and small fields in the middle of nothing, telling lies and trying to be cool, smoking a black and mild smuggled in the sock of a compadre like he was Pablo Escobar himself. Tasting a beer for the first time and wondering why anyone would carbonate urine. There were nights spent unraveling the mysteries of life; church, the cosmos, history, our parents and how daft we thought they had become, and the biggest mystery of all........ GIRLS. It always wrapped back around to girls. Life's greatest of mysteries for the male existence, even to this day.

It was a time that we never thought could end. In some ways, they never have, because, for those of us that were involved, those moments in our history live true in our hearts and in the memories that we derived during that small window of our young lives.

We had countless friends; I had my first "true love", learned to climb trees and jump from our roof to our trampoline without breaking anything on myself, or the house for that matter. Shane, well, he also learned how to jump off the roof - even if it did take a shove from a very loving and nurturing older brother. :) Sometimes people need a bit of a shove so they can see their own world from a different perspective...

The years went quickly and the next thing I knew, I'm a freshman in high school. I had become pretty good at soccer and my freshman season I had dropped most of the other sports I had spent so much time playing. I believe I was still playing some baseball and basketball at that point, but soccer was the top priority.

As luck and fate, come to find out, would have it; my high school soccer coach felt it would be good for me to be on Varsity. I couldn't stand the man. He was a damn drill sergeant of a coach - NOTHING was ever good enough in his eyes and I had been used to doing everything right! Everything, always. Or so I had it in my little freshman brain.

So, the set up with Coach was that I would play some JV games, but I would dress and play for Varsity the majority of the season. Well, hell, I was damn stoked about this! It was a badge of pride, literally and figuratively, for me. At 125lbs and 5'4", MORE pride and confidence was JUST what I needed. Have you ever heard of the Napoleon Complex? Look it up, because that was me.

I assumed that I would just stroll into that team at 15 years old and the Seniors and Juniors would just accept me because I was good..... I could NOT have been more wrong. This is where a certain freckled-faced, brick of a beast with STUPID looking gingered hair came crashing in to my life. A moment that, unfortunately, I will never ever forget.

There is no telling whether or not Matthew Patrick, that ginger headed ass hat, remembers the first time he met me, but, one thing I can say with 100% surety... One NEVER forgets the first time they meet Matthew Patrick. It's impossible to do so.

See, he is one of those anomalies of life, he is singular, he is a monster of a beast type thing that careens wildly into your pleasant little world and without understanding you hate him so much you can't stop loving him. This is the essence of the soulless Matthew Patrick.

This is the setting...

(side bar - the bus pictured is far nicer and newer than our activity bus)

I'm getting my first experience of traveling with the Varsity team - which means I get the privilege of riding our, at the time brand new activity bus! This was HUGE! The JV had to ride the jankity old orange ones with the bench seats, no AC, it was like riding with Fred Flinstone in comparison. But the Activity Bus, oh, it was a modern marvel of a vehicle. We were big time riding up to games in that thing - It had captains chairs, AC, a sound system so that we could listen to music on the way to the games.. We were practically in the Premier League riding that thing.

What I didn't know, at the time, was that the Boys Varsity AND the Girls Varsity rode the same bus and the bus was split in half - girls in the front, boys in the back. Well, the seniors and juniors ran the roost - they had a seating chart that, as a freshman, I was not aware of. So, unfortunately, I didn't have a seat. It was very Forrest Gump. When we got on the bus, my buddy and only other player my age, were told that we had to sit on the floor in the middle of the bus that was basically a dividing line between the girls and the boys. It was actually the spot on the floor right next to the emergency exit. So that's where we were made to sit, but we didn't care because, why would we, we were big time with the activity bus and a fresh, warm sandwich straight from Subway. Apparently, the varsity had a parent that would buy everyone sandwiches for the pre-game ride. Something that DEFINITELY did not happen with the JV.

As we set there on the floor, fully content with our spots and our sandwiches, my life took a massive turn.

"Oh, hey there, buddies...." came a voice with a very thick country twang, "do you guys not have a place to sit?" I looked up and peered into a face surrounded by freckles, "No, bud, but that's ok. We're good here...." My buddy nudged me, hinting that I needed to be quiet or proceed with the utmost precaution. I nudged him back stating that I've got it under control, we are cool.

"Maaan, shoot, I feel bad. I'll tell you what, why don't you guys take my seat? I'm probably not going to play and I'm sure you guys need a better spot to sit...." The back-hills voice rang sweetly...

"Really?!" almost shouting, not being able to hide my surprise in this generosity... That's when the air shifted, the little brown smudges at the corners of the rednecks mouth started to shift and dance. That's when I noticed a shimmer in his, seemingly, dead green eyes...

"NOOO!! You maggot!! You sit your freshman ass right there where you belong!!"

Houston, we have a problem... Welcome Matthew Patrick......

That was how we met. That was how I was introduced to a guy that was larger than life, but at the time, all I could think was that he was, in fact, the "maggot".

He went on this way for a few months. He'd come strolling on to the bus with his stupid grin, striding with more confidence than one could even comprehend for a guy that NEVER played could have. Matt didn't care; he was Matt and you got what you got and if you didn't like it, well, he'll shove that in your face even harder. It was a thing of beauty.

What neither of us realized was that was the beginning of what grew into one of my most beautiful friendships. He became my brother. Granted, this action didn't take place until after he was out of school - Matt is two years older than I and he was gone by the time I was a Junior in high school. During that time frame he and I lost touch, because, well, why wouldn't we? He terrorized me for years while he was still in high school.

But we reconnected - I found him at one of the lower points of his life and we were able to bond at that time because he needed someone. Over the years that Matt was still in school he did have his way of caring - what I didn't realize what the fact that he gave me so much grief meant that he liked me, that I was part of his crowd. It never hit me then. He was always the first to stick up for me if it was needed, on or off the field. He had that older brother mentality of, "I can pick on him, but if you mess with him I will tear you apart." And he would too. He would without hesitation. He had that country boy strength about him.

There were so many nights of tomfoolery in the years to come. We ended up in Edmond together in college, that was a vapor. We then moved and life shifted. He started a family and so did I. But during that time we continued to grow closer than ever. I was at his wedding and he was at mine. Our first born's came only several months apart and we were then father's together.

Our lives continued to intertwine like two spirits just destined to collide throughout this vapor. We had hopes and dreams of how we were going to grow old as two dudes with families, what we would do together, what we would share together....

Then a new monster came colliding in that even someone as tough and strong as Matthew Patrick will struggle to fight.

A brain tumor.

I'll never forget the call, the subsequent messages with his wife. The weeks of him being in the hospital and, me, 8 hours away not having any clue of what to do. Not realizing he had been struggling with this for sometime, the news completely floored me. This wasn't apart of our plan. This wasn't apart of the dreams we had spoke of all the years before. Matt's not supposed to get sick. Not first. But the fucker has a tendency to do things his way..

We had bet at one time, $200, that I would get married before him. It was a safe bet for Matt because, well, what right-minded woman would want to tie down to his crazy ways? He defied the rules then too - he found his woman and they have been together for over 14 years now. They're beautiful together as much as they drive you crazy. Two beautiful boys as well...Oh, did I mention, it's a House of Ginger? Alllllllllll four of them just ginger headed as can be!

But I digress, my brother was laid up in a hospital for almost a month. Had brain surgery to remove the tumor. Then, thankfully, he was home and things seemed normal again. Swwwwhhhhh. We thought.. Or I thought. We spoke on the phone regularly again - I told him the stupid stories from my life, because well, I have a lot of them. We spoke about ridiculous scenarios and giggled like we were those kids in high school again. He called me names, I called him better ones. It was normal. We dodged a bullet.

Brain tumors are tricky though; they cause an array of difficulties and one can never be too sure. He has been going through radiation and chemo, tough stuff, but Matt's a tough guy and he has been handling it like a champ.

Then another phone call....

He's back in the ER. Fever, headaches, no appetite. I had just gotten comfortable again and then BAM! Life kicks you in the damn crotch and laughs as it does so. It was a tense week and he is not out of the woods just yet. But the doctors are good ones, they are taking care of him and we are praying here. We are looking to the heavens because we still have plans. We have damn plans that we are suppose to carry out and THIS is not apart of those.

But, he's home again after a week of tests and blood work and long nights and worry and concern from loved ones. But he's home. Still fighting, still breathing, still being Matt. Stubborn as hell. Pain in the ass.

We all know that there is only one way out of this life. No one wins. But, at the end of the day, realizing those around us and their significance in our lives is so incredibly important. I don't know what's going to happen - with anything or anyone. But I know that I'm lucky to have a Matthew Patrick in my life - because there is only one. He's still singular, there is still no one like him. I've met a lot of people; there are imitations, but nothing is better than the original. That is Matt.

I won't take those moments for granted again. I won't let another day go without thinking of those laughs and the memories we've created and the opportunity to create new ones. Because we will create new ones, each better than the last.

So when you go home; call those loved ones. Hug those near to you. Take it all in. Cherish it. Life, as the bible says, "is but a vapor in comparison to the eternity of Heaven."

I love you all.

J.L. Copeland