Sometimes you don't know that you're not ready. God has a funny way of working in our lives; I use the word "working" here loosely. So often, we that believe, fall to our knees in times of strife and heartache and BEG God for help. We pour ourselves out to Him, because, after all, He's told us to leave our burdens at His feet. It's simply looking for the calm in the storm and peace in the battle. I know that throughout my life I've fallen away from my belief in Christ BECAUSE of that lack of answering the call. When we follow what we believe the bible has taught us we think, "Ok, I've done what I'm supposed to so help is on the way... Here we go God, do your thing!" But then, nothing happens. The hurt doesn't stop. The storm doesn't subside and the battle continues to rage in us, around us and we are left fighting alone.
I hated God for that. H.A.T.E.D.
I'm bold enough and honest enough to say it still; I HATE Him sometimes for the hurt I've gone through or the pain my kids have endured. I still get angry that He doesn't just snap his big ole, sausage-shaped God fingers and take the pain away. I struggle with that AS I WRITE THIS.
But, isn't this the case for so many of us? So many of us move away from our faith because too often it feels like a very one-sided relationship. How many of you have been in one of those? They're absolutely the largest pile of horse shyte. This will be a conversation I end up having with Him when I stand in front of Him. "Why all the horse shit, dude?"
Justin a year ago felt this way all the time. Justin a year ago put up his middle finger to the entire thing and put it on his shoulders and ego to make things better. He wanted to burn the damn walls down himself. He was proud of that. His ego was inflated over that - knowing that he'd blow out a hole to crawl through if he had to.
Ah, but God has a funny way of "working" in our lives. See, I said before that I used that word loosely because there's a secret I didn't know and I'm going to share it right now.
Sometimes God answers our prayers, works in our lives, by doing NOTHING at all.
The work He is doing is letting us marinate. Like a damn fine steak, He knows that there's a timeline that needs to take place for that fat steak to be at it's most juiciest, delicious, dripping down the chin BEST. He allows us to marinate.
But... WHY?
It sucks. We want things on our timeline and on our terms. WE are human like that. None of us want to be successful tomorrow, we want it today. None of us want to be alone until next year, we want to be happily frolicking with the love of our lives TODAY.
So why does He make us wait? I don't need to wait, I'M READY!
Because sometimes we don't know we AREN'T ready. Sometimes we do not know we still need to marinate a little bit longer so that by the time we come out we are at our most delectable selves. Just oozing with sticky goodness. His timeline is one that is of perfection - He knows that if granted that dream, that relationship, that job RIGHT THIS SECOND; we would just blow it all up to high hell! Because we aren't ready!
When I say marinating to put it in bible speak - He is simply qualifying us. What do I mean? Think of the disciples; murder, prostitute, gambler, tax collector..... Not a clean quality group you'd leave your kids with, yet here they were walking around with the savior of man. Their past didn't define them, but their past qualified them for the calling He had for each and every one of them. This is no different for us. WE are His disciples, just like Peter, Judas... We have to be qualified. This is where I find myself, attempting to understand the qualifying. What more do I need to go through to be....THERE?
That question can only be found through faith. Which is a kick in the junk in of itself and that's a whole other blog post. But if you notice the trend (I'm a patterns person), NOTHING about being a God-fearing person comes easily, because it's a complete surrender of ones self.
Maybe you're sitting there reading this now and asking the same questions... Good. Know you're not alone. Know that just because you have your eyes to what God might have called for you doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean that it isn't annoying as all hell and will downright piss you off. LET IT. But then speak to God directly about it. Yes, have a damn conversation. That's all prayer is, nothing different from calling your bff or me writing this blog post.
I pray the same way I write this nonsense.
Do NOT give up hope. Do NOT give up on your faith. Do NOT give up on Gods plan, even if you can't fully see it yet. He will show you, but it's in His time. He's a real stickler like that.
Keep your eyes forward and your heart open, eventually God will let you know when you're at your prime best self; scintillating and succulent for the world to devour.
Until then...
Navigate Intentionally.
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