Finding Purpose

When I started to "create" this site, from mind to web, I wasn't sure exactly how I would introduce it. I wasn't sure what the direction was supposed to be or what I was even going to say.

I had spent months in an upside down comatose from being knocked on my ass. Life had come knocking and before I knew it, life had completely knocked me 10 different ways back into Sunday. That beating left me doing something I very rarely allowed myself to do; I felt sorry for ME. I was having a 2 month extended stay in the house of "Woe is Me".

See, in a very short amount of time I had left a job that I had ABSOLUTELY loved, 3 MONTHS AFTER BEING PROMOTED! I had planned to make a BIG move for a reason that, still to this day, I was doing for all of the RIGHT reasons. Yes, there was a relationship involved and YES, I did not come out on top. The plans that I had made, as I tend to plan big, fell through and for the first time in, what seemed like forever the plan didn't formulate to my liking. So, I got knocked the hell down and decided to roll around for a bit like Neymar JR. after a cheap shot from the world's most overrated and dirtiest player, Sergio Ramos (if you don't get this reference, I can't help you). I cried, I wallowed and I just went ahead and not only pushed the pause button, but I also lived the majority of my present in rewind.

The job that I took was and is a nightmare; sales have been my thing for the last 3 1/2 years, but this job is one that would make used car salesmen cringe. The hours are long and the pay is little - even my two boys (whom I have full custody over), have been begging me to make a change, "Dad, your new job sucks!", "Dad, when will you be able to start coming out to play with us again?", "Dad...", "Dad", "Dadddddd..." You can see where this is going. That disappointment on their face and longing for a dad that is engaged wore on my heart. But, for the last several months I've been living in rewind and that wore on my heart as well. I was and have been drowning in the "Every Man" plight. I had completely LOST my way. I had completely LOST who I was as a man.

That relationship I mentioned; looking at the last several paragraphs there is no wonder I lost that as well. I had no direction, no drive, no confidence, no motivation to fight anymore. My will power to stand up and then be willing to go out on my shield had been zapped. I gave up, I didn't just take a knee, I folded, balling up waiting and hoping something would make the beating stop. What happened, you might be asking after all this drivel and contextual regurgitation....? I got up. I started fighting back. I got tired of taking that beating. It wasn't just the failure of a relationship, the job, my boys or a feeling of complete and utter disillusion that got me back to my feet. No, it was the fact that I knew I was better than what I was giving. I knew that I had so much more to give. I knew that I was not this weak, "new age" kind of man that didn't want to identify as being masculine. What I realized was that EVERYTHING I had been doing was wrong. Even the job that I "loved" was a complete sham.

So, I sit here writing all of this because I decided that I would no longer let anyone else dictate the time that I get with my family, I decided that I would no longer punch in and or out on anyone else's clock, nor would I sit and accept a paycheck that keeps me hoping for the next one, whilst someone else stashes away for their family trips to Maui. I said, "to fucking hell with that!" I have to take what is mine through the God-given abilities I possess and put my name out there even if that means I might fall again. Even if that means I might embarrass myself a little bit with a blog site, or a pod cost, or a speech to a group of vets... enter the variable - I decided I was ready to sack up and take the risk for the reward.

Navigating my purpose, finding that thing or things that make me want to get up in the morning was what I've had to do. The realization that has come to me is massive - ideally, anyone that reads this will be engaged enough to see that unfold over the next month, year, 5 years and until I draw my last breath. Each day, for me, has become something that has to be filled from the moment I wake to the moment I rest living for that day, all while bettering the tomorrow I will, God-willing, be waking up to. I have no choice - one, I'm not one for excuses. If you've got em, go to a mirror, grab your knees and you will see where you can stick them. Two - for me and those I keep, I want drive, I want that motivation to attack their lives, I want the will to find a path that is fruitful, not only for them, but most importantly, for their families and those that they reach on a daily basis. I believe that the best form of leadership is through action - so I must act if those could or can be my expectations of those around me or the company that I will build.

So this is my purpose - to those of you that will continue to read my, at times, nonsensical ranting; I will lay out how I am getting there. How YOU can get there and we can lean on each other the entire step of the process. Because, I can promise, it will fucking be one. It won't be easy, but I look forward to smiling the whole way. This is my purpose and in this I hope it helps to find yours.

J.L. Copeland