Not my Acme

I find it easy to be too retrospective. All too often looking back at what used to be; the good, the bad and the indifferent times in my life. Those things all part and parcel to what has guided me to my current station. While easy to look back at those things that burnt me, I find myself focusing on those time frames where life seemed far easier, happier, more enjoyable, more successful. I feel we are probably ALL guilty of this mindset.

I'm guilty of this even in my first two posts on this site - "Finding Purpose" and "Eat Breakfast" both viewed from a rear view perspective on how life used to be navigated. How I used do things. Neither of which take a big deep dive into what I'm currently doing in my station to move forward or the positives that have been provided to my life over the course of the last week, month or even the last several years.

I LOVED most of my 20's with several years, maybe more, that I would exclude from memory if I could. I got to do things that most others didn't do in remotely the same way - I traveled, lived in different states that I had never even considered calling home. I attempted to continue my soccer career in several different locations - all of which, again, I never thought I would be in. I joined the military - yes, I was able to take instruction and do so quiet well! I served. No one could take that away from me. I began a career in coaching that took me places and introduced me to people (cough, cough Marcelo Balboa) that I never imagined being a part of considering I'm from a small ass town in Northeast Oklahoma with absolutely zero soccer influence. I can say that there were years in that decade that I look back on very fondly on - the friends I made are now life long, the memories I made will be some of the last I think of before I leave this place. Even as I write this I can visualize these things in my minds eye and find those warm and fuzzy's about what "used to be".

The debilitating part of this is that we start to believe, maybe subconsciously, or, maybe worse, we start to doubt. That doubt creeps in like a gentle breeze - unnoticeable at first, while being just strong enough to give us slight pause. Before we know it that lack of confidence, that doubt turns into a whirlwind that we have no idea how we found ourselves in the middle of. What landed us in such a predicament? But what we start to believe is that maybe, JUST maybe, that time period was the best it was going to be. We ask ourselves, "Is that as good as its going to get for me?" Maybe we believe that our earlier years were the pinnacle of what the success will be in our lives - "My high school years were INCREDIBLE! Why can't it be like that anymore??", "Things were so much better when I was 25...", "Life made more sense before I was married..." I'm sure all of these thoughts in some way have manifested themselves in our minds at one point or another. Taking siege on your current and present, clouding the little moments and movements of your life as it is now.

Not to say that it is wrong to use the rear view; gaining perspective on our past is the best way for us to attack the present. It's the best way for us to burn a path to our future. The perspective on a time gone by should only be glanced on when utilized for forward movement. Whats been and what's gone can never be changed, nor can it be updated. So living and rehearsing what it could of been, or what you could have done is as fruitless an endeavor we can partake. Your acme is still in front of you - if you want it to be. Your pinnacle can be in the now. It can be this moment. It can be next month. But the mindset must shift. The focus can not be that we've already given our best, but, better yet, our best is still yet to come.

Maybe that purpose that we need to find is the first step; what is it that I want to do on a day to day basis that gives me the drive to wake up early and go to bed late? What is that calling I can feel in the pit of my stomach that I'm too afraid to hear? We can talk about the past to fuel that fire that rages inside when you let it, but the past can't be the extinguisher for a future we've yet to ignite. For me, where I am now isn't where I want to be, but I know that the years behind me - the good, the bad, the indifferent are all the building blocks for what will be my tomorrow. I let those ghosts sleep and manifest through the thoughts of what I want, speak the things that I want so as to put them into reality.

My acme - my pinnacle and my peak have yet to be seen or reached. I know this because I decide this. When I find the next one, there will be another and another, because I will make that call. Finding that purpose to continue forward movement is the only thing that propels us to that next summit. The trick is to not hide behind fears disguised as practicality (thank you, Jim Carey), but rather rise, eat your damn breakfast, put on the big boy pants and strive. Simple.

For the millions upon millions reading this - will the past define your best days to come, or is the future still open for that interpretation?

J.L. Copeland