Why Do You Explain?

Several years ago, as I sat in the over priced office that my attorney had summoned me too; I couldn't help but look around and notice all of the photos. Was my attorney a big deal? He had pictures with celebrities and some political figures that I recognized. Since I had met him he had talked a big game, but he's an attorney, so being full of himself was something non-shocking to my system AND I kind of liked it. The bravado, the facade, the elitism he portrayed as he peacocked through every room he ever entered. He did wear some really nice looking suits, which is part of why I had made him my attorney. At minimum, everything on the outside fit the mold. He "looked" successful. (Shallow, I know, but I'm not sorry.)

He was a Texas boy through and through; big jaw, firm hand shake, loud voice and a swagger that was as loud as a Broadway production. He went to Rice, from a long lineage of proud Owls, big in to football and even bigger in to their favorite family tradition - loving themselves.

As I sat there, I kind of chuckled; even though he was pillaging my savings, inheritance and everything I had known of my financial world - I actually enjoyed being around him and his staff. They were constantly in a state of motion and sound.

"If you're explaining, you're losing..."

"What....?" I said, some-what shocked that I hadn't realized he had walked up on me.

In his educated twang he said it again, "Man, if you're explaining, you're losing! Don't forger that..."

As he repeated himself with the directive, there was something in what he had just said that locked that statement in my brain. It was shut in there and wasn't coming back out without being ran through the mill of my thoughts as to why he didn't want me to forget this. Perhaps, what stood out for me was the fact that he had mentioned winning or losing; being competitive has been my life's work, it is what drives me, what fuels me and what excites me about so many different endeavors. This has been the case for me since I can remember and there is nothing I can do about it. It does not shut off, it does not go away.

Perhaps what stood out was the way in which he said it. It was out of left field, it was not part of the conversation he and I were having because, hell, he and I, in that moment were not having a conversation. He just spring boarded into that saying right before my eyes. One thing I knew, was that one sentence had everything wrapped up in it; I hate explaining and/or repeating myself and losing, more than explaining, I hate with a passion.

I don't recall why I was in his office that day. I don't remember what the rest of that conversation was with him. But, as I left his building, that one saying stayed with me; I mulled it over in my head for hours into the evening. It ping ponged around my head for days and weeks after the fact. It sits with me as I write this post.

What stood out for me was not in how Bo presented it to me - his reference was for the courtroom and a client losing a case because they don't have it together, they don't have the facts backed up with the evidence to support their case. Basically, the work hasn't been done for that situation to be fruitful, so they're attempting to explain their way in to victory. I knew from the first time I heard it, I never wanted that to be me or my boys.

That simple saying bothered me, kept me up at night because it wasn't just about a case, it was about LIFE. It was about effort. It was about not being afraid to go all in, knowing there was an opportunity to fail, but focused on that chance to SUCCEED. What it melodically sang out was to not make excuses and to hold yourself to the flames of accountability. Forge yourself in them.

The more I wrapped my head around this, the more I fell in love with the expression. The more I loved Bo for saying it to me. Theres little that I dislike in a human being more than the one that makes excuses. You all know that person - they have an answer for every wrong thing or mistake they've done and very seldom does that error in their ways have to do with THEM. These are the worst kinds of people to me because they are the WORST kind of LIARS. Explaining their way through each turn, each decision, each excuse. The song of losing - explaining.

Why do I have such a love affair with this concept?

I LOVE accountability. I LOVE things being black or white. I'm simple minded like that. So the less that has to be discussed, the more that is on the table and open, the better it is for me in my little world. I don't want to have to do the guess work with anyone. I don't want to listen to explanations for much of anything because, as it's already been stated, if you find yourself having to explain in detail something you've decided, the high likelihood is that you're losing and that you were wrong.

Not everyone is this simplistic; I know plenty of people that like to live in the complexities of grey, they enjoy the drama, they are far more comfortable in living a life where they are always the victim. I know these people, personally, and while I keep them at a very long arms distance, I see how they operate, none-the-less. This is a world I do not understand, because to live this way only indicates a mindset that feels their time is infinite and this introduces fear which introduces the excuses and lack of inaction or selfishness, or greed, or hatefulness, etc.

But the reality is this; time is very limited, it is very precious. To understand this is to manage the fear we might feel for living our life, simply. What do I mean by "simply" - a life where we do not indulge in the mumbo jumbo and focus on making it the best that it can be for ourselves, first and those we love the most next. If we all stepped into this reality - how much more precious life would become, how much slower, how much sweeter, how much more open it would be for those involved. Lying would not be necessary because our cards would be on the table. Greed would not be necessary because we would each be pursuing our lives with a passion that doesn't allow us to be consumed with others achievements.

I'm not meaning to present some kind of Utopian philosophy, I'm well aware that there is no such reality in which we can all exist. However, the mindset of not making excuses is so very simple at its core and so grand all in one broad stroke.

What is even more baffling is that all of this came from the mouth of an attorney. The irony of that is not lost on me.

"If you're explaining.... You're losing.."

What I will say is that from that day on, there wasn't much explaining from my side. There wasn't much that needed to be said. We put the work in. It either was or wasn't and that, from that moment on was something that I have taken to heart.

A part of this has always been a part of me. I've always wanted to earn anything and everything I've ever had. No hand outs. I didn't want anyone to be able to say that it was given to me and because of this I've always blazed my own path. Never a life of conformity or mediocrity and definitely a life FAR from boring. As it should be, but this is only accomplished through the acceptance of complete control or a complete lack of control. The situation will determine the outcome. Once you can understand this, the more and better you can respond. The easier it is to move forward. But to do this, you can't muddy the water with excuses. You either are or are not. You either do or do not. You either win or lose. Anything outside of those designations requires explanation....

And if you're explaining.....

J.L. Copeland